Hello, we continue our studies in Chapter Six of Brit Shalom on family matters.
From here, there is a section at the beginning that I called “Love.”
The concept of love today is not so well understood. People are used to calling “love” something that is actually the exact opposite — sex, the physical relationship between a man and a woman whose purpose is to provide pleasure for each one. The man wants his pleasure, the woman wants her pleasure.
But when we speak about love, it is exactly the opposite.
The man uses his pleasure in order to give pleasure to his wife, and the woman uses her pleasure in order to give pleasure to her husband. This is what is written here in paragraph A: “The love between a man and his wife is one of the loftiest expressions of both human and divine morality.”
Anything that adds life to the world is considered a supreme moral act. Therefore, it says here in section B: “The essence of the commandment ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ is fulfilled within the married couple.”
Yes — that is what the Talmud says. A man is forbidden to marry a woman he does not know. He must first see her, because he is going to fulfill the commandment “Love your neighbor as yourself.” And if she does not find favor in his eyes, he will violate this obligation. Thus, we understand that love is focused primarily — not only, but primarily — in the marital relationship.
How is this marital relationship brought into being? There are many ways, but the most correct way is marriage through formalizing the relationship. As I write here in paragraph C: “The desirable way to create the bond that makes the couple married is through a public ceremony such as engagement and a wedding canopy (chuppah).”
Yes, even for the Children of Noah, there is also the concept of a chuppah — it is not mandatory, but it is the desirable form.
A fully established bond becomes absolutely binding after the couple has engaged in marital relations. Meaning, from the first time this couple has relations, from that moment on, they are already in full commitment — each to the other.
