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Spouse Disagrees

Q: My wife is still a believer in Jesus and she was basically raised with a messianic Judaism understanding. After several months of searching as unbiased as I could, I concluded that I had been believing in falsehood. Is it okay to keep my mouth shut about any of this to keep my family together?

Q: I seriously need HELP!  Please reply to my message.  My wife is still a believer in Jesus and she was basically raised with a messianic Judaism understanding.  I believed the messianic movement soon after we married (in 2006).  Since then we have had 3 children (youngest 1 and oldest 5).  A year ago I began the search into why I called on Jesus and worshipped in his name.

So after several months of searching as unbiased as I could, I concluded that I had been believing in falsehood.  I had warned my wife that I was looking into the subject and as I went on I warned her that I was not so sure I believed that anymore.  She trusted that G-d would open my eyes.  I believe He did and of course she believes I’m deceived.  We have had a difficult time more recently.  I have been very flexible with what we do as I am the one that changed.  Our kids still go to church and I go with my wife just to keep the family together.  However it has been most difficult.  I had dreams earlier on that seemed to warn me of the Noahide movement being empty.  I shrugged them off saying “That’s no proof, what does G-d’s word say?”.  My wife gets upset to know that I have been listening to any of the counter-missionary or Noahide teachings and she is developing a bad taste in her mouth for the whole thing (ie… Judaism/Noahide).

I don’t believe that separation or divorce is worth anything. I see that if we split, our kids would see it as a result of what believing in G-d can cause (destruction of harmony /family in their minds) or they would be misled even further into Christianity because my wife and her family would likely influence them greatly more than my time with them would allow.  Is it okay to be willing to keep my mouth shut about any of this to keep my family together?  It seems almost certain it may fall apart if I don’t put my understanding of Scripture aside.  Or actually if I don’t become a believer!  I definitely understand some of the persecution you guys went through in the past!  I’m at a loss and I don’t see many articles with other people’s experiences.

Please help!

Bless You!

A: Shalom John
Your letter is very touching and pure.
You don’t have to break your family apart. You should tell them that you deeply
respect their belief, but you follow another way. You appreciate their religious
activity but you don’t feel that it would be sincere toward them to
participate actively in it. You must insist about importance of family etc.
It is also a good idea to get professional help with a family counselor.

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About Rabbi Oury Cherki

Rabbi Oury Cherki
Rav Oury Cherki was born in Algeria in 1959 and grew up in France, and he made Aliyah in 1972. He studied at Merkaz Harav Yeshiva, which was founded by Rav Avraham Yitzchak Kook. He performed his military service in the artillery branch of the IDF. He studied with Rav Tzvi Yehuda Kook, Rav Yehuda Leon Ashkenazi (Manitou), Rav Shlomo Binyamin and Achlag. Rav Cherki heads the Israeli department of Machon Meir, and he is the Director of Brit Olam - the Noahide World Center.He teaches in many places throughout Israel. Rav Cherki is the spiritual leader of the "Beth Yehuda" community in Kiryat Moshe (Jerusalem). He has written many books on Jewish thought and philosophy.

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